Causes and Effects of Child Abuse - Abusive Siblings
survivors wiehe abused parents
In What Parents Need to Know about Sibling Abuse: Breaking the Cycle of Violence (Springville, UT: Bonneville Books, 2002), Vernon R. Wiehe explored the reasons why siblings hurt each other. Sibling abuse may stem from a desire to control another person in order to take advantage of that person. The sibling in control typically does not know how to empathize (be aware and sensitive to the feelings of others). Wiehe noted that the reason most often given for sibling abuse is that an older sibling has been put in charge of younger siblings. Some parents may expect too much from older children, relegating parental responsibilities to them. Some children are too young to assume a parental role and may take out their frustration on younger siblings. Even if an older brother or sister is capable of babysitting their younger siblings, they lack the knowledge or skills to parent.
Wiehe pointed out that sibling abuse may be a learned behavior. Children who grow up in households where they see their parents abusing each other or are the recipients of such abuse may in turn use aggression toward one another. Children also learn abusive behavior from television programs, movies, videos, and computer games.
In "Sibling Abuse" (Understanding Family Violence, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, Inc., 1998), Wiehe observed that abusive behavior between brothers and sisters is often considered sibling rivalry and is therefore not covered under mandatory reporting of abuse. The author conducted a nationwide survey of survivors of sibling abuse who had sought professional counseling for problems resulting from physical, emotional, and sexual abuse by a brother or sister.
The respondents were generally victims of more than one type of abuse: 71% reported being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. An additional 7% indicated being just emotionally abused, pushing the total of emotionally abused victims to 78%. Emotional abuse took the forms of "name-calling, ridicule, degradation, exacerbating a fear, destroying personal possessions, and torturing or destroying a pet."
As far as the victims of sibling incest could remember, they were sexually abused at ages five to seven. The author, however, believed it was possible that the abuse started at an earlier age. The perpetrator was often a sibling older by three to ten years. The incest generally occurred over an extended period.
Effects of Sibling Abuse
In What Parents Need to Know about Sibling Abuse, Wiehe enumerated the effects of sibling abuse based on his interviews with survivors of such abuse:
- Poor self-esteem—Survivors indicated feelings of worthlessness and a lack of self-confidence. Those who experienced sexual abuse felt guilt and shame for their childhood victimization.
- Problems in relationships with the opposite sex—Women who had been sexually abused by their brothers reported problems with forming intimate relationships with men. They were suspicious and distrustful of men. Some had never married. Many continued to blame themselves for not having stopped the abuse.
- Difficulty with interpersonal relationships—Some survivors said they tried too hard to please others. Although they feared expressing anger and feared others' anger, they constantly lived with rage toward the sibling-perpetrators and their parents who responded inappropriately to the abuse.
- Revictimization—Because of their low self-esteem, survivors were likely to put themselves in a position of abuse as adults.
- Eating disorders, alcoholism, and drug abuse.
- Depression and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—Some survivors experienced severe depression to the point of contemplating and attempting suicide. Survivors reported PTSD symptoms, including anxiety attacks and reliving the experience of the abuse.
User Comments
over 1 year ago
Anthony Vais
My sister beat me weekly at the minimum and stabbed me more then once. She would then lie to my parents and since I was the male child she would say I attacked her and I would then be in major trouble. The main reason for all this is her over self esteem and self worth. She would be waiting for a phone call and since back then there was no call waiting it was a beating time for me if I was on the phone. I used to contemplate suicide daily and now after 20 years have come back to find self worth. Another example would be locking me out of the house at age 9 until my mother got home from work, or repeated for years on end name calling. The stabbings are really the end of the line but how do I explain to her that the abuse I recieved from her was not normal? How do I explain that after stabbing someone that remembers none of her past because she is now on lithium? I am now 35 and just barely coping with the abuse. After 5 years of therapy back then my therapist at the time made an audio cassette of a session for me to play to my father so he would understand my issues. My sister stole his car, listened to the audio cassette and then made fun of me for it daily for another 10 years and never let my parents hear it. I am finally a married adult that still gets tears in his eyes when going to bed. How can I get over it all without explaining to the out of control drug addict she now is, that she has no effect or control over me any longer? Sadly she still does, obviously. as I am just not writing this looking for help and to be honest with you I thought it was a normal childhood until I learned otherwise. What can I do to get normal sleep and become a normal adult after so many years of destruction?
over 1 year ago
Anthony,
I am 42 and just recently discovered too, how abnormal of a childhood I truly had. My brother abused me for years. I was given a book titled "Sibling Abuse," by my therapist, and I suggest you get yourself a copy; author is Vernon Wiehe, PhD. I could not put the book down and read through it in less than 2 days. The abuse I suffered all of my life, at the hands of my brother, was finally validated!