Child Abuse and the Law - Disclosure

What should parents do when their children claim to have been abused? It may come as an offhand remark, as if the child is testing to see what a parent's reaction will be. Perhaps the child is engaged in sexual behavior, a common symptom of sexual abuse. For example, the child may go through the motions of sexual intercourse and then say that this is what a parent, stepparent, relative, or a teacher at school has done. A major preschool sexual abuse case against Margaret Kelly Michaels, a teacher at the Wee Care Day Nursery in Maplewood, New Jersey, began when a boy who was having his temperature taken rectally at the pediatrician's office remarked that his teacher had been doing the same thing to him while he napped at school. The remark ultimately led to Michaels being charged with various forms of sexual abuse, and a nine-month trial at which several children testified. (The case, discussed in more detail later in this chapter, was dropped by the prosecution in 1994.)

Sometimes a parent realizes that something is wrong when the child's behavior changes. Some young children have an especially hard time expressing themselves verbally and may instead begin having sleep difficulties, such as nightmares and night terrors; eating problems; a fear of going to school (if that is the site of the abuse); regression; acting out, such as biting, masturbating, or sexually attacking other family members; and withdrawing. These behavior changes, however, do not necessarily mean that the child is being sexually abused. Children may also express themselves in their drawings.

The abuse may have occurred for a long time before children tell. Why do children keep the abuse a secret? Children who reveal their abuse through the nonverbal ways listed above may be afraid to speak out because they believe the threats of death or punishment made by their abusers. Child Abuse Listening and Mediation (CALM), a Santa Barbara, California, counseling organization, lists some of the reasons children do not tell:

• Children feel responsible for what has happened to them.
• Children fear adults will not believe them.
• Children believe threats from the offender.
• Children do not know how to describe what has happened to them.
• Children are taught to be respectful of adults.
• Children fear getting an adult in trouble or disobeying an adult who has requested secrecy.

According to CALM, children tell:

• when they come in contact with someone who appears to already know
• when they come in contact with someone who does not appear to be judgmental, critical, or threatening
• when they believe a continuation of the abuse will be unbearable
• when physical injury occurs
• when they receive sexual abuse prevention information
• if pregnancy is a threat
• when they come into contact with someone who may protect them

If parents believe their child, particularly if the abuser is not a family member, their first reaction may be to file charges against the alleged perpetrator. Parents rarely realize how difficult and painful the process can be. Some experts claim that children psychologically need to see their abuser punished, while others feel children are victimized by the court process, only this time by the very people who are supposed to protect them.