Emotional and psychological abuse is usually harder to define than physical abuse, where bruises and scars are clearly evident. Almost all couples scream and shout at one another at some point. But abuse is distinguished from the heated arguments that may ensue in the course of otherwise healthy relationships because the abuser uses words to project power over a mate in a demeaning way. This can produce serious and often debilitating emotional or psychological consequences.
Some domestic violence researchers and counselors equate emotional abuse with the Amnesty International definition of psychological torture, which includes verbal degradation, denial of power, isolation, monopolizing perceptions, and threats to kill. Health and social service workers who counsel victims cite emotional violence as one of several factors that may paralyze women, preventing them from fleeing dangerous and abusive relationships.
Table 2.10 is a checklist prepared by the National Coalition against Domestic Violence to help identify characteristics and patterns of emotional abuse. The coalition and many researchers believe that early identification of and effective intervention to end emotional abuse may prevent this emotional violence from escalating to physical abuse. Table 2.11 is a list of characteristics, attitudes, and actions presented by the coalition in the form of ten questions that may help predict whether a partner will become violent.
A Landmark Study of Verbal Aggression
Renowned researchers Murray Straus and Stephen Sweet returned to the 1985 National Family Violence Surveys
TABLE 2.10
| Abusive relationship checklist |
| SOURCE: "Checklist," The Problem, National Coalition against Domestic Violence, http://www.ncadv.org/problem/checklist.htm (accessed September 19, 2004) |
| Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it's abuse. |
| Does your partner… |
| —— Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family? |
| —— Put down your accomplishments or goals? |
| —— Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions? |
| —— Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance? |
| —— Tell you that you are nothing without them? |
| —— Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you? |
| —— Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be? |
| —— Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you? |
| —— Blame you for how they feel or act? |
| —— Pressure you sexually for things you aren't ready for? |
| —— Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship? |
| —— Prevent you from doing things you want—like spending time with your friends or family? |
| —— Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson"? |
| Do you… |
| —— Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act? |
| —— Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior? |
| —— Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself? |
| —— Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry? |
| —— Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you? |
| —— Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want? |
| —— Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up? |
| If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue. |
data to examine verbal aggression in their study "Verbal/Symbolic Aggression in Couples: Incidence Rates and Relationships to Personal Characteristics" (Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol. 54, 1992). Straus and Sweet found no significant differences between man-to-woman and woman-to-man verbal aggression. They also found that when one partner engaged in verbal aggression, the other responded in similar fashion. Women reported more abuse regardless of who initiated the aggression, but the researchers were unable to determine whether men minimized the incidence of verbal abuse or women exaggerated it.
Straus and Sweet's study found no correlation between race or socioeconomic status and verbal aggression, although other studies have reported increased frequency of verbal aggression among black couples. They did find, however, a link between age and levels of abuse, indicating that verbal aggression declines with age regardless of how much conflict there is in a relationship. Straus and Sweet's analysis also revealed a direct connection between alcohol consumption and verbal aggression—the more often men drank excessively, the more likely they were to be verbally abusive. Similarly, the more women used drugs, the greater the probability of verbal abuse. For men, however, drug use did not significantly affect the use of verbal abuse. Straus and Sweet cautioned that their research reveals a correlation between these two variables, but not causation—in other words, it demonstrated a relationship between alcohol consumption and abuse, but did not show whether men and women drink to provide themselves with excuses for abusive behavior or whether drinking causes their aggression.
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